Cool as a Cucumber.

I’m over being a lemon head. Gone sour. Good for the liver. But not good enough for my Gin and Tonic.

Limes you say? Too God-damn expensive. In normal supermarkets anyway. On the other hand if you cruise along Victoria Street you’ll find some for quite a reasonable price.

I’ve moved onwards and upwards. I now have cucumber in my G&T. Very refreshing. I don’t know why I haven’t gotten into this sooner. It’s not a new thing at all.

Try a few slices, or even peels, of cucumber in your G&T this week. It's fresh, easy and cheap. And the less you spend on garnish the more you can put towards your next bottle of Hendricks.

The Big Day Out in Hats

Long weekends always send me out of wack. That extra day.

You end up squeezing two weekends worth of partying into one and the five days work into four. Tis not good for the health. Especially when the long weekend is a celebration of ones patriotism. And particularly if you screamed at the The Black Kids, jumped up and down to The Prodigy and swayed to Neil Young at the Big Day Out.

It doesn’t make for a pleasant Tuesday. But it does make for some great photos and fricken hilaaaarious memories.

There were some serious outfits kickin about the dust around Flemington but given the temperature I thought the most important accessory of the day was a hat. And no. You with the mullet wig, that doesn’t count as a hat. Although it does provide some shade.

Here are some of the pearlers that caught my eye.

The sweet smell of Liberty

The rise and demise and the rise of Laura Ashley. Who would have thought that we’d be adding the extra rise on the end of that sentence? EGAD.

But with Topshop launching their spring season of floral frocks and Nike’s ode to curtains, flowers, big and small, are back. Back with a familiar perfume. Breath deeply. Get a whiff. Ahhhhhh. I recognise that. It’s the Nineties. May the fashion Gods help us.

I’m not sure if I’ll be embracing this resurgence. Only time will tell. I’m more inclined to stick to monochrome tones and androgens zones of all things plain in these tough times. Although, I do have a soft spot for lace.

God help us if they start making those playsuit thiiings in florals.

Star Hoops

How often do you find so many things you love combined in one? Not often. Like a Tradie that enjoys fine wine and art galleries. Hard to come by.

Pinch me. Star Sign. Gold. Large. Earrings. These are awesome. So is Mayoress the blog I found them on. And so is FredFlare, the website you can get them from. A+++. I’m ordering multiples because I always lose my mofo’s.

To top it all off, they're on sale. $6. Ace.

MAN-GIFT OF THE WEEK

Bling Bling. Pimped bike passing. Trick up your mans ride. HELL YEAH.

These are the ultimate mini gift. You made a minor mistake. Like accidently dribbling soy sauce on his dress shirt two minutes before a black tie function. Or you’re just feeling generous.

Well, whatever you did these valve caps for his bike will make up for it. Whether he’s peddling a fixie (skull cap) or a racer (bullet) you’re sure to find one that suits. Get them online here. Or head down to Spoken on Carlisle, St Kilda, to check out a small selection.


There should be a little love muscle for the lycra wearers. Naughty.

Tube time

I’ve had a vision. I vision of the future. A future with TUBE SKIRTS. Yes. That’s right. Tube skirts. NO Not boob tubes you FOOOOOL. They are SO nineties and should NEVER be worn by anyone larger than a B cup for fear of those flabby-armpit-bits that fold so elephantly over the side.

I’m talking tight-like-tiger-skirts. High-waist or hipster, who cares! Preferably a bit longer than a mini. I’m thinking mid thigh. Stretchy. Panelled. Whatever.

Team it with ankle boots, a loose T and a scarf. Mod. I like.

I found a few beauties online at Topshop. Otherwise I found a couple of shorter versions at Supre. Stripes would be cool though.



Get involved.

MID WEEK MAN GIFT

This weather. Ech. Need I say more.

If your man doesn’t have a pool and you don’t really feel like driving, finding a park, then diving into the pee filled oily slick that the 200 6 yr olds and 100 tanning teenagers have left behind. Then the only solution is an inflatable pool.

No-one can tell you off for having a ciggy and drinking a tinny in your own backyard! Target and K-Mart sell these beauties at a reasonable price of $40.

And if he’s lucky enough to have a pool then I can suggest investing in an inflatable toy to keep him busy while you’re tanning. The crocodile is always a fave.